Oct 2006

Here I am in Bankok, and like other cities it is pretty much madness, and three times more expensive then anywhere else in the country. Today is Monday, and most people wear yellow to honor their king, it is quite a sight to be seen. If you aren't in air conditioning you are sweating, if your in air conditioning too much you become horse....so why is it that hot countries eat spicey and hot food...you think they would live off of ice cream and chilled drinks?
The language will take me a while to pick up on, but I figure with five weeks I really don't have an excuse not to learn.
I spent the first night with a few americans...I know. But it is a good way to work my way in. Nathan is moving here to go to school, and Caleb, his younger brother, has been here for 6 months going to school, and Diana, their cousin, is visiting for 2 weeks. She came because her mom is the directer of the university where her cousin's are studing. Needless to say, they speak a bit for thai, so I got a few mini (net noi) language sessions.
After they headed off to the University, I met up with Aun. I sat next to her on my flight she is originally from Thailand, as ownes a kindergarden here with her daughter, but currently lives in Whidbey Island.
Now here I sit at Kao San Road, and I am SO over Bangkok. There are so many people, and not just Thai, but german, australian, russian, japanese, and the list goes on. It is known as the backpackers mecka of Bangkok, obviously. I woke up especially early this morning and walked about the city before the rest of the world woke up. It was wonderful. I was headed toward the grand palace, but got side tracked, and ended up wandering a local road that runs paralell to the river. My eyes instantly noticed the numbers of Safron robes. In the early morning Monks look for food offers to take back to the temples. It was wonderful. Men and young boys, with bare feet and shaven heads, all looking quite at peace (as I wipe the sweat from my eyes to get a better look). My breakfast cost me less than a dollar, and my room was about $12 dollars...but there is something in my head that hears 120 baht that says that is too much (though really it is about $3).
I am leaving bangkok today to go to Sukothai, a place up north on my way to Chiang Mai. It is the historical area in Thailand, with many old structures. I look forward to getting away from the annoying Tuk Tuk and taxi drivers, and all of the smog (kinda kills a photograph). I will admit that I climbed on the back of a motorbike yesterday (I know, crazy), but so much fun!
Well off to grab something cold to drink then off to the bus station. Don't worry, all is well.

So I would imagine that many of you are questioning my next adventure. Maybe not that I have one, but maybe the location or duration...or possibly even the intension.
The truth is, even if you don't understand me, I think that each of you can relate to the desire and need associated with such an experience. And if not, then I admire you for your strength, confidence and ability to accept the world and life.
Life is beautiful. Everything from the snowcaped mountains to the grace of morning fog hoovering in the valley . The beauty of watching my bamboo grow, or hearing my cat talk to me. Feeling the love and acceptance of a friend, or allowing the gaps between generations disinigrate. Allowing a child to teach you how to see the world, and making the attempt to make the world a smaller place.
What do we all want in life? Love, and to be loved! Yes, there are other desires such as success, money, material goods...but when it comes down to pricless experiences in life it revolves around love.
Love has many different places in our lives. Friends and family are always the most obvious, but what about self love? I feel that so often we are shunned for being selfish, if we are looking after ourselves. I will admit that one of the most valuable things that I have learned in my 29 years, is that personal love and happiness is the first priority. You can't rely on someone else to know what is best for you. And I am sure many of you would counter that I don't know what is right for me.
Touche.
We all have our demons, whether large or small. My largest demon is myself. I have been stuggling to figure out why and how. Is it because of soceity? Or is it personal struggles? Or possibly something else?
My trip to Thailand is not just my first trip to Asia, it is my first true attempt to delve within my soul and spirit. I plan on spending a minumum of two week in a monestary learning and practicing Vipassana, a form of meditation.
I believe that so much of our enviornment forces stress on us, that we forget how to breathe, and LIVE life. This trip is an escape from our driven, successful world. It is a trip to reach self discovery, as well as self disaplin...and ultimately self love.
Meditation allows us to look inward, and to live in the moment. So much of what we do in our daily lives we choose to suppress emotions, or cover them up with other destructive obsessions. This time is to teach me how to break away from that.
This trip is not really a journey to find myself. I know much about who I am and how I work. I am going to immerse myself into my spirt and understand my pain, and my struggles. Accept my weakneses, and hopeful learn to love myself despite them.
I love you all. It is because of your love for me that has allowed me to start this journey of acceptance.
Thank you all. I am hoping you will continue to join me on this journey. Take care. You are all in my thoughts and my heart.